A great friend of mine, @alexmuse, has written an article about introverts recently which I strongly recommend you to read. On false expectations. This is a great short post on how introverts perceive people. I love the introvert/extrovert topic as it is the “great division” which creates a lot of cases in human interactions. In all times.
You do not understand me. You are an extrovert.
I have heard the phrase a lot of times. If you are extroverts, you, probably, too. If you are introvert — you maybe have told this to some extrovert. Maybe even to me.
I think, that someone has put this “great division” like “introvert/extrovert” into our minds and new socionics and modern psychological and popular journals have deepen the gap. I think that it is rather the “energy division” named as “introvert” for people, who get energy from inside, and “extrovert” from those, who get it outside. And this basic thing define our “core features” which influence how we behave. I will return to it later, but now I want to talk about introverts and love.
Personally, I love introverts. Best peoples in my life are introverts (there are extroverts, anyway). I love them for many reasons. The first one is that they awesome and deep in their feelings. If they have chosen you as a friend — it means a lot. Especially when you are extrovert. Because you are the selected one. The one whom they allowed to enter the area closer than 1.5 metres around. And they start to open their soul to you and dedicate their time. That is the second thing — introverts are dedicated. If they are passionate about you — you will be overwhelmed by their love and care. Sometimes it is too much, but at all it is amazing. The third thing is that they are usually rationale — they do obtain the energy from the inside and they are more thinkers — it is obvious because while extroverts invest their time in communication — introverts invest their time in thinking.
At the same time they may have negatives — they become irritated when you give time to anyone else, and you feel their “not visible but alarm question” — “am I not better? Why do you need all those people?” You feel that they feel betrayed. But you cannot do anything because you are extrovert. So,
There are several myths about extroverts like:
- Extroverts are not deep in relationships.
- Extroverts do switch attention easily and frequently.
- Extroverts love to have more people around.
- Extroverts are not thinking deeply on anything — they are surface-surfers.
- Extroverts do love to be surrounded by people. Always.
I will talk only about myself and about extroverts which surround me. So the “experiment” may not be “clear”.
Extroverts are not deep in relationships
Sorry, guys, but it is a bull sh*t. The fact that we love to talk to lots of people and receive the information not from only one person does not mean that we are not deep in relationships. We could love very deeply. We feel deep emotions. But there is another thing — if love is measured by the time spent together — then we do not “love” in the usual “introvert” way as often extroverts think that they may bore the person whom they spend a lot of time with. You, introverts, may think that you are boring, but the thing is that we afraid to make you bored.
Extroverts do switch attention easily and frequently
Maybe it is because they are sangvinics usually and as extroverts love to talk to other different people, they do switch attention easily. But. It depends only on the person — not on the whole “class of extroverts”.
Extroverts love to have more people around
Almost true. The more people — the more information the extrovert loves. More people around and versatile of the surrounding means for extrovert that he or she will have the possibility to exchange ideas, thoughts and plans with more people, which may flourish into new ideas, plans and all this gives energy to the extrovert.
Another point here is that introverts may be scared. Scared of the possibility that extrovert will meet someone. Someone better, more interesting, more fascinating than they are. Introverts often forget that usually they are better, and “small talks” could grow into something bigger but this is a huge time investment which extrovert also rarely chooses to do. In addition, if an introvert does not want to loose the friend or lover — he or she, maybe, should improve all the time. So that extrovert, who strives for new people as new information will uncover those “new people” in one person.
Extroverts are not thinking deeply on anything — they are surface-surfers
Really? Being an extrovert does not mean the less “quality of thinking”. If there is something which interests extrovert heavily, or a problem that he/she needs to pay attention to — this problem will be overthinked and re-thinked from different points. Maybe, in the case of “thinking” an extrovert will involve several outside experts, but the deep thinking process will not be excluded.
Extroverts do love to be surrounded by people. Always
There is a joke that the best way for inrovert is to drink a cocktail on the Moon. And it seems to me that everyone thinks that the best way for extrovert to spend a time is to go to the party. I suppose that being an introvert is like living without too many people, and I see that some of introverts love to walk in the crowded street to “feel the crowd”. The same with extroverts — from time to time we need to switch off all the mobile phones (we usually have several of them), get “invisible” in the Skype and all the messengers and lie on the coach with the favorite book. With no people. Or with silence. I think extroverts are those people who need medidation the most — because in the “man`s world” you need to have a pit-stop, to relax — and this is not the tonn of new conversations — this is the friend — extrovert near you.
Returning to the great energy division
I see it as there are people, who receive a lot of energy from lots of people and give this energy in turn to them (extroverts), and there are people, who get energy from the inside and give it to the limited amount of people, whom they made close friends or lovers (introverts). Giving an energy to lots of people for introvert means almost “energy death” while giving all the energy to one person and receiving this energy from this one for extrovert means the “mental death” when the social diversity means a lot to the extrovert.
Introvert + Extrovert relationships
I see (maybe I had bad examples) in the couple or pair of introvert+extrovert there is always the thing, when introvert is jealous that his/her partner talks and interacts with other people and dedicates not all the time to the introvert, and the extrovert, in turn, feels guilty that he or she wants to broaden the social circle to other people, even for those “smart talks” but not dedicates all the time to his introvert friend. I think that the name of the relationship is the “compromiss”.